School and Finding Me...

I was planning on blogging more when I started this up and I never can just seem to get around to doing it... not sure anyone reads these anyway!  Maybe someday :) A lot has happened since I moved home... Got my AA degree!! (finally.. after 7 years... I finally had the right mix of courses to translate into a degree!) I passed all my classes with a 3.22 GPA!  I got really discouraged for awhile there but I DID it!!  Then with my new Minnesota school all my in-state classes from before leave me at only 2 semesters more til I FINALLY have my bachelors degree!!  Two semesters!  This is something I never thought I would be capable of doing again, after being encouraged to keep working in dead end jobs.  I am SO blessed my amazing friends and family friends helped me get back on the right track this summer to go back to school.  I am so excited, and a little bit scared, to be finally soon to the finish line.  Its scary that something so far off in my reach and what always seemed like would never happen, or that I was too mentally ill to do it... I am finally doing it, and I am starting to prepare for grad schools-- not only am I about to get my degree but I am also going to go to grad school!!  I might have to wait a year or two to get some employment under my belt but it is something I have always wanted to do- and guess what world- I'm so so so so close!! :)

I went skiing the other day.  My best friend Jenny from childhood made me.  I was terrified to do it after not racing for so many years.  It was especially hard because I haven't skied since my dad got really sick.  But Jenny and I promised each other we would go skiing together once I got home.  It was THE BEST!!!!  I cannot explain to you that sensory experience, the snow gliding beneath my toes, the familiar feeling of knowing just how much pressure to edge into the snow on my parallel turns, how much pressure to apply to the front of the boot for each type of terrain... it was like riding a bike!!  That day two weeks ago, I felt like I finally had reclaimed my childhood for what it was.  All those happy memories I had growing up skiing at Afton Alps... waxing and sharpening skis, training every night after school no matter how cold it was!  I am good at something- I am still good at something.  I never lost that.  Everything that I once was, is being held up inside waiting to burst out!  And two weeks ago, it did.  As I glided across the snow- I was not anorexic, or bulimic, or mentally ill, or whatever label you want to put on me-- I was a skier.  I was a daughter.  I was a friend.  I was who I used to be before that craziness all started.  I felt a new sense of strength and confidence radiate throughout my body.  I felt like I had conquered something that I had been avoiding for so many years.  I felt like me.  No wait, I didn't feel like I was me-- I was ME!  And I am a perfect person to be, no labels.  Me is all I need to be. :)